Where do I even start? Today Steve and I had his appointment with the Radiation Oncologist and Medical Oncologist to go over his PET scan results and to plan the start of radiation. Well change of plans…no radiation we are going back to chemo. Yes you read that right Steve has to resume chemo for the next two months…SHOCKED, so are we! I really don’t even know where to start so hopefully you can follow this crazy rambling that is going to take place.
About 10 days ago Steve woke up in the middle of the night stating he was sweating a little and he was a little nervous and upset about it. I told him that he was okay and that he might just have a virus because everyone around us is sick and it wasn’t drenching like his previous symptom prior to being diagnosed with Lymphoma. Then the next day he pointed out a small lump on the left side of his neck and a small rash just underneath it. I looked at it and felt around to see if there was any other and wasn’t too concerned because he didn’t have any lumps down around the collar bone. I told him to watch it and to make sure we have Dr. Beck look at it when we go back in. Inside both of us were nervous but since he was only 3 weeks post chemo we kept telling ourselves that it couldn’t be related to the cancer. Today on our way to the Radiation Oncologist Steve told me he just didn’t feel good about things and was worried that the results are not going to be good. Unfortunately his gut feeling was right. In walked the doctor and she said well you are not done with chemo. I can’t recall the next words that came out of our months but pretty sure it wasn’t appropriate…oh well can you blame us? Next she went on to explain that there is activity in his mediastinum and small lesions in both his lungs that was not noted on his last PET scan. So does this mean that the PET scan didn’t pick it up last time, or that he is relapsing already? Nobody has the answer to that question unfortunately so we have to move forward with the unknown. So here are our options: two more months of chemo then follow up with another PET scan, a Mediastinoscopy (English term- cut open his chest to get a biopsy of the lump nodes on his sternum: inpatient hospital stay) or start consulting with a doctor to have a BMT (bone marrow transplant – stem cell transplant – is when blood-forming stem cells are collected (harvested), frozen and stored, then given back to you after intensive chemotherapy and radiation therapy. Most times this is performed as an inpatient procedure where you are in the hospital for 3 or more weeks). Umm…is none of the above an option? No…so we left the Radiation Oncology office a little upset, confused and discouraged because she wasn’t really clear and honestly and little rude with our questions. Next we went back over to meet with Dr. Beck to go over the results in more detail and to make a plan of action. After further clarification we agreed that we would continue with two more months of chemo but watching his symptoms really close and if things don’t get better or he becomes more symptomatic that we will stop chemo and look at the next two options listed above. So off to chemo he went TODAY…this was not on our agenda for the day! Normally during his chemo treatments I stay just in case he would have any reaction I want to be there to know what is going on but today that wasn’t an option I had already scheduled hair appointments for the boys and Steve said to go ahead and go that he would be fine. He was right he was fine and Dr. Beck and Shelley was great. They both sat and talked to him for 30 minutes answering any questions he had and giving him encouragement that he can do this.
What a day….so far he feels okay but tired. He is a little sad and discouraged but says he will beat this one way or another.
I love you babe. You can do this, you are stronger then you give yourselve credit for!
~LET YOUR FAITH BE BIGGER THAN YOUR FEAR~
Angie
Family
